The lecture today was like of you put if you put Denny Crane in a box freezer for a few years. Kind of hard but totally awesome. To give you some idea of how my brain was when it started i shall use some of my screenwriting skills.

HTML

Hey!! OMG i haven't seen you in ages!

DAVESAKE

Oh, hi HTML, how's it going?

HTML

I'm just having the totally best time of my life! Being the foundation of the World Wide Web is like one long acid trip!

DAVESAKE

Oh yeah sound great.

HTML

So you wanna get blind stinking drunk and spew all over That Guy With The Glasses?

DAVESAKE

Oh gee, heay HTML that sounds great except I'm totally swamped at the moment...

HTML

Swamped with what?

DAVESAKE

I... I... I... Oh! I have to clean my room. Big mess. Bad. Gotta clean it.

HTML

Whatever dude, my port is always open if you wanna ejaculate some of those creative juices.

DAVESAKE

Yeah okay see ya....

DAVESAKE(cont.)

(Mumbling under breath)

Loser.

So i was basically not at all interested and a little intimidated by the thought of HTML. And then Mike got the little black screen happening with all the little tags and words and codes and stuff and he opened it with safari and it was a webpage and then he changed the little codes and shit and then refreshed the safari page and it changed and i was totally like i could totally like do that it would be soeasyandonceigotthebasicsthepossibilitiesareliketotallyendlessandtheniwasliketotally SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Wooh.

Calm. Calm. Calm calm calm Calmcalmcalmcalmcalm!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I'm good.

So yeah I am very impressed with the possibilities presented by learning HTML and i'm actually even starting to waver in my chosen career path... Curse you interesting lectures, you damn me again!!!!

There's a HTML section in blogger and i'm keen to to give it a try. So my next post (unless something happens) will be done in HTML on blogger.

The other thing i wanted to talk about was my previous post in which i used spike milligan's story to explain that the superficial is all there is.

Well.

Don't i look clever now. Webpages are basically a middle finger to that line of thought (it still applies to real world stuff though) and my poor and faithful friend wysiwig died today halfway through the lecture at the cruel hands of Mr Honey (my new favourite bond villain).

Well thanks for reading Nobody, you've been good company. I look forward to our next session together, and i think i'll invite HTML over for a party, he sounds pretty keen.

Gleeful Brooding and the Positive Effects of Depressing Thoughts...

I've just gotten home from work. Well not just, i had a smoke with Tom from up stairs and i watched some Chester A Bum and now I'm typing. I wanted this blog to be funny all the time and slightly offensive all the time but i think thats impossible because i myself am not funny and offensive all the time. At the moment I'm a bit melancholy. Long night at work doing shit for shit pay to come home and feel down will do that to you.

So i was rolling a cigaret, as i do. And i got that feeling i know many people get. Its when you're just depressed, your brain has run out of happy juice and if you can't put some of your own happy juice into it (using a drug of some sort or chocolate or a loved one) then its going to go back to its natural state of shitfest. And you'll be stuck with the best thoughts you'll ever get in your life.

But the actual thoughts when this wave firsts hits you is difficult to at first recognise and then also to describe. But i think i've cracked it. You lose context. Context of yourself. I was sitting there rolling my smoke and that's all i was. Some bastard who smelt like a Hungry Jack's bin rolling a smoke in an apartment he can't afford to live in at one o'clock in the morning. I felt like i had no past, no future and my present was just pathetic and pointless. But at the same time my straw vulcan logic told me that it was a chemical thing and that i should do something about it because such thoughts can actually be dangerous. So i thought i'd write, which is the first best cure for such things because in a rush of self worth you put yourself back in context.

So this post is partly therapeutic.

But now I have some insight into media production, and it comes courtesy of Spike Milligan via my english teacher Mr Unwin. Mr Unwin once told me about a story Mr Milligan had written, it was about this youth. Say he's nineteen. And he's walking up a street, and he stops. There's an old guy sitting there who asks him why he's stopped. The kid says "because I can't forward, i mean as the street gets further away both sides just get closer and closer and eventually they'll get to close together and i'll be able to go no further."

Old guy says, "Don't be so bloody stupid," because kids are bloody stupid, "That's just perspective, you'll find as you keep going forward the streets will stay parallel, it because things that a further away seem smaller and so the gap between the sides of the street seems smaller."

The kid says alright and keeps walking. Eventually of course the sides of the street have in fact closed in and he can go no further. Angry and embittered he turns around and walks all the way back. The old man isn't there because he's died in the meantime.

I get that story now.

Its all superficial. Everything. What's there is what is. Our ancestors would have us believe otherwsie but its all bullshit. They believed in stupid things that were obviously wrong and obvious things that were stupidly wrong. The only truth is what we can see and hear and feel and all else is rubbish. If a woman looks beautiful, she is beautiful. Our bodies are all we are. no soul, no magic dust or whatever people think. Our brain sustains all our thoughts and memories and if you don't believe it your mind can be changed thought chemical and surgical stimulus. When your brain stops working you are gone. You go to the same place fire does when it is put out.

This is beautiful and perfect and makes sense. So be nice to your bodies, its all you've got and take this lesson away with you. What we see is so much more powerful then what we're told. What we're told can contradict what we see and we'll often believe it, but we ultimately shouldn't. In that same thread if you watch a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat, keep searching until you can pull a rabbit out of a hat. Find out how its done. Kill the magic because magic is lies. If you have a website showing the magic trick, you're ripping people off unless you have a "how to" section that explains the trick away.

Which brings me to my very long winded point. New Media is a combination of media available to anyone with an internet connection. The most powerful medium is video, then a toss up between still pictures and audio and then text. A good website will have all three but showcase the Video. The video should be the heart of the website wherever possible. That will draw the surfers in and then if its good enough excite them to look at other stuff on the site. They will become interested enough to look at the pictures and listen to the audio, all the while the text will have been guiding them but only after exhausting the multi media will the likely settle on the written articles. That could be wrong, mind you, people could watch video and then go straight to articles (or comments and discussion of the video, that seems very likely) anyway that is how Spike Milligan and Mr Unwin helped me understand some media stuff.

Ha, while surfing the net I discovered something interesting. If you like "Shit My dad Says" and William Shatner then you're gonna love this. Enjoy!

Well, I've discovered a fundamental difference between a Blog and a tradition log.

If i were to read Mathew Flinder's Captain's Log, or (much more likely, i think) captain Kirk's Captain's Log, I would want to start at the beginning. As and as such i want people to read my Blog from the beginning. It shall be a learning curve for me. So i think i will have to start setting up some backwards running jokes.

If you don't know what a backwards running joke is, don't worry. Neither do I. But i have every intention of inventing them.

Post 2.5

Well the Tutor came. He's the admin guy from the lecture's who's name I can't remember. He reminds me of my old year 12 chemistry teacher except not a self righteous wanker. Any way he arrived and talked about the lecture for a bit. Then we had to look at some different blog platforms. And then he said make a blog! Oooh! Ahh! Excitement! And now I regret doing mine last night. I told him that I started it already and was told to do another post. So this is it.

Hey, there we go. Mr Tutor has just pointed out that a Blog titled like mine is will get read by no one because its boring. So I'm going to change it to UC Asylum. (Hope the name hasn't been used before...)

So this is my second post and boy am i nervous.

I had my NMP tutorial at 4 30 today. Which is where i am now. I got there early and a young lass who shall be henceforth be referred to as Chick-Wot-Is-Next-To-Me, showed me how to get in with our student card. So i went in and everyone seemed hard at work and very quiet which scared the shit out of me. SO i sat down and pretended to be hard at work myself. But really i'm just typing this random stuff. I don't know what's going on. Perhaps our tutor has been and gone and given instructions or maybe he hasn't arrived yet. This would make sense because its early and people who arrive at places before they're meant to are even worse than people who arrive at places after they're meant to. (I fall into the first category at the moment and I'm suffering for it)

But on the subject of Networked Media Production, i bought a pair of sunglasses yesterday and they make me look bad-ass. People get out of my way while I'm walking down the side of building 5 from the ressies. That is how bad-ass they make me look.

Oh thank fuck the Tutor has arrived. See ya!

First Post

Don't fuck with the Babel fish. If it can change the babble into understandable words, what makes you think it won't mind rape you?

Well. I didn't want to start my Networked Media Production blog with what other amateur bloggers like myself will probably be saying. i.e.: "Well this is my first post and boy am I nervous, etc"

Anyway, I have blogged before, but I didn't actually know how. The two other blogs I have are about blogging and marijuana. They're kind of stand alone even though one of them wan't meant to be. But now I have the best motivation to stick to my blogging. (MIKE HONEY: Blog or I'll fail you, be-yatch!)

So, Networked Media Production. For those of you reading who are not in my class,(Hello Emma! I'm on the internet!) Networked Media Production is the creation of fishing nets designed to go be set up below those escalators that take people up to heaven. Because people can't get into heaven unless they believe in heaven, and people who believe in heaven are just a bit... well... lets just say that they often fall off the escalators because standing still is quite a strenuous mental task.

So far in lectures we've talked about a whole lot of stuff that I can't remember (see my blog "Why Pot is Hot" for the reason I can't remember said stuff) but I think there was something about copyright being automatic but putting it on the internet virtually ruins it because everything is a copy. So if anyone even reads this post I'll sue your arse.

Mike Honey is the name of the lecturer and I don't think I can put any jokes about him being sweet on here for two reasons. 1: it's kind of gay, and, 2: he can fail me.

And I will refrain from the My Cunny joke that everyone is dying to make because its just insensitive. In fact, something that rude and cruel might even cause him to change his name. Possibly to Mike Hunt, Mike Rutch or even to Mike Latchianisntverygood (Terry Pratchett Joke)

So, enough of that.

Blogs.

We've been asked to blog because its a way of getting complex thoughts and ideas up on the internet that all of us should be able to do. I would say that the Blog is the highest common denominator amongst NMP students.

This works well for me because, aside from my two mandatory units in my Media Arts and Production/Arts degree (Intro2MP, NMP), I am doing two writing units. And what is a blog if not written. What's that you say? Typed? Well fuck you, smart arse.

In case readers haven't already guessed I will be trying to make these musing on the subject amusing to some degree. Otherwise it will just be me saying "I thought these concepts of internet safety were interesting" and "This curation has taught me a number of things"

What's that you say? That's what it should be? Well fuck you too! Jesus christ these imaginary voices are bastards. I wish I was clever dick like you, imaginary voice, and knew every damn thing! (Mental note: do something about the people in your head. Possibly with: toothbrush?brick? drill?) (Mental note note: don't put mental notes on the internet, otherwise they're not mental notes. They're just notes. Dickhead.)

So back on topic.

What's the topic?

Well we've not had much to talk about so I'll just start with this proposed Internet Filter.

Well. I agree that pedophiles are bad. And I agree that sights (Sites? Websites? Those things. Yeah.) that help pedophiles are equally bad. But I am a fan of porn. And how am I to know that the Men In Black putting this list together are also fans of porn? I can't. In fact they're probably not even Men In Black, they're probably Women In Aprons.

In the Week 2 lecture Mike mentioned that a dentist's website was blacklisted because it was hacked by hackers who were doing some hacking. I was under the impression that this happened because it contained the word "Teen" with a combination of some other unfortunate words. Which basically means that it sucks to be that dentist.

If anyone is reading this who is interested in a pretty good summary of the situation then I highly recommend catching the episode of Hungry Beast ( a TV show/website that I believe everyone in this unit should be watching) that has a pretty good summary of the situation. If you hurry you can catch it on ABC iView.

I would think that rather than creating this blanket of censorship over the internet that has such a huge potential for violation of our rights (look mum I'm on a soap box) they should spend the money on finding the nastiest of the nasty websites and tracking the people who run them. They could get all those web savvy non-pedophiles to help. I would. That button they've got on acma to report a sight you want blacklisted could just as easily be a button to alert the authorities. (In a sense it is already but that's not what I mean) And then the AFP or the MIB or whoever, can find the pedo's and put them in prison where they can get the PVCPipe/BarbWire treatment. Treat the disease, not the symptom. I think that would save us from becoming Nazi Germany.

In summary: Pedophiles are bad. Internet pedophiles are bad. Internet is good. Porn is good. Internet porn is good. Censorship is bad. Hitler was bad. My way of doing this is good.

I should be god. How happy would you all be? Not very, in all likelihood because I'm actually kind of a prick and you would either not exist or you would be building me my god rocket.

So that was my first post. It was a bit long and is only getting longer and if you've made it this far then thanks for the interest, but you dropped your wallet at the top of the post so you've got to go all the way back and read it again.

Let me know if you found this enjoyable to read because I'm a total slut for compliments. And if you found this in anyway offensive and you're not someone who can get me in trouble, then fuck off and don't come back. If you are someone who can get me in trouble then send me an email and I will definitely rectify the offensive content and whatever. But before you do, consider this; I am only expressing an opinion. And, if you suppress it, I will have to assume you are one of the Women In Aprons.

Cheers World,

David Awesome Wilton

Next Post:

• Find out how to identify one of the Women In Aprons: could you be living with one?
• Also, a DWNMP exclusive: The God Rocket! Everything you wanted to know but were too WTF??? to ask.